Lament For Lost Lands
I grew up in Santa Clara for some of the more formative years of my Tween to early adult years, and I could easily write a series of novels on the amazing memories I have from that time period.
My Teenage years alone deserve a spin-off series called The Intentionally Sad Guy.
It also was when I truly blossomed into what I will call my Nerd-dom; that part of my life where I leaned hard into my love of Fantasy, Sci-Fi and all things imaginative. I can clearly remember reading the shit out of the Santa Clara Library’s fantasy section, and I can still remember the strong sense of excitement, awe, and nostalgia I received when I found the hard cover books in the Myst novelization. I felt like I had found something deep and profound, and I was the only one who knew about it. These poor books, full of amazing ideas and worlds, were relegated to a section of the Library that only myself and one very smelly middle aged man knew about.
And that sentiment has stuck with me all my life. It pained me to see a good thing go unnoticed because it was clearly, a very good thing.
And as I began to seriously get into video games, board games, and RPG’s my love of Lore and world building went on Beast Mode. I read the Silmarillion, memorized a lot of the D&D Bestiary, and then started developing my own worlds and settings. This made up knowledge about places imagined was the fuel that helped it come alive in minute detail. It wasn’t just a book about a girl with a sword who stopped the dead, it was the story of a young woman coming of age in a world where Necromancers are to be feared, and the bells of defensive against dark creatures were etched in arcane symbology passed down from father to daughter. It wasn’t ‘just’, it ‘was’ and it ‘was’ happening in HD in my mind.
With that as the groundwork, I’ll say simply that when I find out about games or RPGs that didn’t get their deserved time in the sun, my heart breaks a bit. There is something unjust about all that to me. It hasn’t been until recently that I really resonate with those people that for whatever reason loved Everquest so much that they have devoted their own free time to host a server for Mac users. I resonate with the guy who has spent a great amount of time writing a blog for the RPG Skyrealms of Jorune because he just loved it so much that he felt the memory needed to be kept alive for the relatively few others who thought that game was amazing. I resonate with the people who scour old gaming stores or eBay auctions for pewter miniatures that can’t be found anymore. I grieve for Gamescape on El Camino Real. I remember being there the last week they were open as they liquidated their stock and moved on to other things (San Francisco I think).
Before you call my friends and family to make sure I’m not huddled in a corner wearing a wizard cloak, covered in my own urine, I do see all this for what it is.
The gaming industry (video and tabletop) is rather Darwinian. Only the strong survive. I think it’s worth mentioning that there is argument to suggest that D&D could have gone the way of the DoDo if it weren’t for some kind deeds, and devoted fans. Also, one could argue that it was too big to fail, but that’s for another article.
Not long ago I got some kind of inexplicable itch to see what was on Craigslist as it pertains to people selling miniatures and manuals. One very, very kind gentleman who was willing to drive to my place of work to sell me his wares, was selling a series of core rulebooks (Vampire The Masquerade, Shadowrun, and Legend of The Five Rings). These core rulebooks were old. Like 1st and 2nd edition old. But I wanted them. So bad.
“Are you sure you really want these?” He said awkwardly to the guy he had just met in the lobby of a downtown coffee shop.
“Oh yes, I really do! I want them because I’m a completionist” I replied, trying to not immediately explode in a Dr. Frink style ‘Glaven!’.
“I mean, some of the art is cool. Some is pretty dated. But really a lot of these games have pretty broken or outdated mechanics. The recent editions are far superior” he cautioned.
“It’s ok! It’s for the collection and the memories. I love the art and the lore.” I responded, hoping he didn’t see that I felt like I had just stolen the Hope Diamond.
And the transaction was complete.
My close friend was there with me watching this happen. He is a full time touring musician and songwriter, which at the end of the day is an experience which is undeniably WAY cooler than this transaction in any given moment. In fact, my friend has taken dumps cooler than this interaction.
My wife recently asked me to clear out my bookshelf to make some space, because, she was right, I just had way too many books. She also hates clutter and I am The Clutter King. So I began the process of clearing out fiction novels, old comics I didn’t want, theology and seminary books a mentor gave me, strange zines I was given when I did music journalism, but when it came to the manuals and the long-forgotten things and games I just couldn’t even touch it. My wife understood.
The thought of any of these player handbooks ending up like those sad, lonely books at the Santa Clara library makes me ache. At least if they’re with me they will get treated like children.
My lament for the forgotten is pretty strong. I lament things I haven’t even heard of. There should be a shrine somewhere in my living room to ‘the unknown RPG manual’.
But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this millennial generation of gamers is set to protect more closely the things which we know might end up being taken for granted and then sold in a coffee shop 20 years later. We are, I think, vault keepers for something magical and potentially formative for another generation.
Because you see, these are living things. These aren’t just stories; although stories are powerful. These are experiences that can only be had with friends. I recently saw an RPG online that was created to be playable by one person; the idea was cool but something in me felt like that very idea is a paradox.
We are set to repeat the age-old tradition of the campfire story but our minds and bodies retell them around a table instead. These games live because we live. Otherwise, they are just words and mechanics suggestions.
At the end of the day, people will love what people love. Maybe my ilk will be relegated to some kind of esoteric gamer Gnosticism. Emanations of D&D and Demiurges of GURPS.
I’m ok with this. I get it. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Some people don’t care about the setting so much, as much as they love their friends and the beauty that is Role Playing Games and gaming.
But I will say this….These experiences transform us. They can’t be undersold or dismissed. And that’s what feels so sorrowful for me when I read about a critically received game that faded into obscurity. It was like the infinite potential for beautiful experiences was lost to time.
New games will come and fads and styles will rise and fall. Rules Light. Very Crunchy. No Dice. Lots of Proprietary Dice. Just don’t let them die. That’s all. Someone be the Vault Keeper.
